How Brokeback affected me

[Wolf]

Stats: two viewings, both alone.  third viewing tomorrow, with a friend. I'm 42 yr old married female with 2 kids - husband straight as straight gets, myself likewise. 

have been reading these boards for a few days and working towards posting. has taken longer than expected to process the effects of BBM, else would have leapt on here immediately after viewing number one  . 

first up I'd like to say a big hearty thanks to all of you who've taken the time to post their thoughts about this film.  it's been cathartic and liberating to immerse myself in a quasi BBM world. 

there are SO many aspects of this film that have resonated for me, but I the the one that stands out, and continues to haunt, is just how terribly difficult many mens' lives can be in the contemporary era.  this theme hit home for me - perhaps because whilst I know my husband thrives on a pedestrian, urban, family life, I'm accutely aware of just how trapped and weighted down your average male feels by same.  the masculine architypes in the film revealed this quiet desperation in such a raw and honest way, it couldn't fail to hit home.   

it struck me that perhaps men, straight or gay, suffer far more than we realise in the world of today (and by 'today', I mean post WW2).  emasculation everywhere you look.  not the least perpetrators being us, the women of today.  I'm not remotely  convinced that men WANT to be involved in the minutiae of day to day life - which women of today expect of them.  we also expect all sorts of other 'stuff' from your average bloke.  much of it unreasonable and downright unfair.

I came away deeply moved by the plight of all the characters in this film, but especially the repressed, seething discontent of ALL the male characters.  quite broke my heart.  admittedly, I also connected to a degree with Alma.  there are many days as a mother of young children when I want nothing more than for my husband to blow the runny noses of my crying babies, after a hard day at work, while I morosely pursue my own agenda in another room  :-[ :-[. 

Ultimately, for me, it was a film about the difficulty of being male in the modern era.  Sexuality notwithstanding.  Oh yeah, and since I AM a bored housewife  , I was also deeply moved by the 'love story'.  Love in it's purest form.

Should also add that I'm as haunted as the rest of you guys.  Can't go a waking minute without the 'flavour' changing the taste of everything I do.  I seem to be existing in a different world than the one I was just a week ago.  And of course there's the pre BBM me, and now the new post BBM me  .   

Lastly, some thoughts about the actors.  As an Australian, I probably know too much about Heath Ledger, and unfortunately that coloured my expectations going in.  Prior to this film, he's been at best, wooden.   To say I'm deeply in awe of him now is an understatement.   Who'd a thunk he had it in him.  Jake on the other hand, I've always thought had potential, but was limited by his pretty boy status.  And yes, I think he's VERY pretty.  Have always found the unconventionally handsome the sexiest, ie, Benicio del Toro  .  I digress ...... easy to do when thoughts of Jake pop into one's head!  Anyway, his performance staggered me and I'm not the least bit surprised he won the BAFTA.  For me, his brilliance was initially overshadowed by Heath's consuming, brooding, mesmerising presence, but in subsequent days it's become blazingly obvious that he's a towering talent.  Heck, they both are!  The fact of our losing ourselves almost entirely in their characters and their union speaks volumes for their skills and their maturity as artists.  Thats another thing that has me scratching my head .... how did two boys in their 20's (which they both are) manage to truthfully convey that exquisite sadness that tends to visit those of us near or past 40?

how about this bursting into tears at the drop of a hat thing ........ too strange ....... even for a premenopausal (therefore hormonally deranged) woman!.   the big trigger for me is the soundtrack, so I'm cold turkeying the cd for 12 hrs  .

big antipodean hugs to you guys - and thanks again for sharing. 

W

[atomicscott]

W, thanks for your first post, it was a joy to read. Welcome!

Are you sure you really want to go cold turkey on the CD for 12 hours? I had "A Love That Will Never Grow Old" on repeat on my 60 minute ride into work this morning. Can't get enough of it.

[bradINblue]

Hey wolf, what a great post. Just think, all over the world, folks like us--straight, gay, unsure, we all have a common bond, and that is humanity. It's time to embrace that, and shake off the other crap that is impeding what life should be all about. Bless you.

Brad

[mountain boy]

...The guys started chanting, "Kiss him, Billy, kiss him". So somewhat cocky, and a little bit showoff, well, we had our kiss. Our only kiss, ever...

Paul, that is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

So how did the other guys respond to the two of you kissing? Tell us all about the kiss!

And yes, of course he remembers you.

[DaveinPhilly]

From hayek_uk today:

"I can't decide for sure what to make of this. But it has occurred to me (and this been stated more or less explicitly by some people) that the depth of emotional upheaval is an opportunity for change and personal renewal. I would perhaps put it somewhat more "psychoanalytically" - that the depth and intensity of the emotions triggered by all aspects of "Brokeback" is like a collapse of the strength of the ego (all the old ways of doing things, old beliefs, old patterns, old justifications, old certainties). This is an essential precursor to major personal change, and might occur only once or twice, or at most only a few times, in a whole lifetime. And then people often do not recognise it, or deliberately turn away from it (as Ennis did??)"

How was Spain?!

Well, I'm hoping for this personal turn around to continue. I have no sense that it's temporary for me. But you're right it is very easy to slip back into the old ways - they are so confortably uncomfortable, after all.

It is wonderful that I've re-found my tears and our home commitment is stronger than ever. I remain grateful for this experience.

Dave

[Wolf]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys    .

  - the soundtrack cold turkey lasted exactly 20 minutes.  I'm sitting here sobbing like a big baby listening to Emmylou's heartbreaker  .  that and "The Wings" do it to me every single time.

Meanwhile, I'm working on the theory that this film could cure cancer. 

W

can I say again how much I appreciate this forum.  it's a beautiful thing, to share the joy of our 'blessing' with so many similarly hardwired beings .

[paintedshoes]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys    .

  - the soundtrack cold turkey lasted exactly 20 minutes.  I'm sitting here sobbing like a big baby listening to Emmylou's heartbreaker  .  that and "The Wings" do it to me every single time.

Meanwhile, I'm working on the theory that this film could cure cancer. 

W

can I say again how much I appreciate this forum.  it's a beautiful thing, to share the joy of our 'blessing' with so many similarly hardwired beings .

Welcome, Wolf to "Brokeback Hospital".  We don't have a cure, but we sure make the stay as pleasant as possible.

[desperadum]

Wow, I did enjoy the Baftas last night, my first night back after 10 days away (in Spain), without BBM or access to the internet.

Welcome back, Hayek - you were missed! Where in Spain did you go? Not that it matters - sounds like you were someplace else, along with the rest of us.

I saw it again for the sixth time Saturday afternoon - I have never been prone to tears, but there I sat - as someone noted recently, the tears start earlier in the movie now, and are more intense.

What you say about this experience being a sort of ephiphany and catalyst for positive change - I have been thinking about that myself. This is prompted such introspection, as it has for so many people. You put into words quite beautifully what I would like to be able to achieve. Thank you for doing that.

[FrankAce]

It's so hard to get his movie out fo my head! I just saw it last week.....truly amazing, maybe it shouldn't go out of my head. The theater was not packed, in fact only 6 of us, (afternoon matinee) but we all sobbed like crazy. I read the interviews, listen to the soundtrack, watch the clips, just can't get enough of this thing. Fricken amazing movie.....I watch my fair share of movies but not ONE has touched me this way, not even close.

[jack]

WOLFIE...

are you my long lost sister?  you snatched the words right out of my heart.  the only difference is that which is colored by my gender and orientation.  but how did you get such a deep glimpse of my inner workings?  have you ever written?  professionally?  as a man?  congratulations on a dramatic entry to the boards.

jack 

[jack]

and frank, welcome to as well, and any other newcomers i may have missed.  saying hi and welcome at this clip is about a full time job... and yet y'all keep coming.

jack

[trinket]

Hi gang!
I went for my 7th viewing of Brokeback this afternoon.
See, you all have been a bad influence on me!
I get there for the 4 pm showing and the girl tells me "it's broken."
WHAT?  WHAT IS THAT?  BROKEN?  Have ya'll ever gone up to buy your ticket and had them tell you
"it's broken?"
There were about 6 people standing to the side who looked at me and said they were wanting to see it too!
They were calling other small towns nearby to see what times their theaters were showing it.
Then another couple come up behind me and ask for tickets....'it's broken."
I say to the girl, "what? are you serious?"  She says, "yeah, it's broken, won't be fixed until Wednesday."
So I asked her, "can't you get ANOTHER projector?"
She tells me "no" because "this is the movie that is selling the least, so we can't move a projector in there."
I was SO CRUSHED, I can't tell you!  CRUSHED.  I've already seen it 6 times!
ugh!  I went to see 'Freedomland'  Lots of racial unrest, disturbing, stressful.  I needed the calming spirit of see Brokeback.
I was NOT a happy gal !  I mean..."BROKEN?"  Come on!

[Mejack]

...The guys started chanting, "Kiss him, Billy, kiss him". So somewhat cocky, and a little bit showoff, well, we had our kiss. Our only kiss, ever...

Paul, that is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

So how did the other guys respond to the two of you kissing? Tell us all about the kiss!

And yes, of course he remembers you.

Hi WDJ,
Okay, about "the kiss".  We were all hanging out on the steps of one of the two dorms. Maybe 16 or 18 guys around.  Everybody knew about Billy and me. All the guys were straight as far as I know. They probably assumed Billy was too, and that I was the queer one. Maybe they were right. Anyway, it's 1956 remember.  No television.  No magazines allowed. The guys were living vicariously through Billy at that moment, I think. 

They urged him on. We were seated on the steps. As they began chanting, Billy slowly stood and pulled me up beside him. He whispered "do you wanna do this?"  Before I could answer, or even think, he wrapped his arms around me. I never knew until then how much he really wanted to hold me. Then he kissed me.  A full, open mouth kiss. It seemed unending. I know exactly how Jack felt during that reunion kiss.

I heard them . . . "Holy Shit, do you believe that?"  "Damn!"  "I ain't never seen nothin' like that before!" We sat back down. I couldn't let go of Billy's arm. Suddenly, somebody said "Ya'll shut up. Guard's coming." And it was over.

Next day I asked Billy about the kiss. He joked and said "what kiss?" Then he got real serious and said "I'm glad it happened. You okay?  You still love me?"  Like I said, turns out it was our only kiss, ever. And yes, Billy, I still love you.

Thanks for asking, WDJ.

Paul

[jonas]

I am surprised that people have not gotten all over me regarding my most recent post. It was a frightening one for me to conceive, much less to write. Maybe most of us will end up just like Ennis, sitting by that window, flicking that lighter like mad, twitching like crazy, and staring down into the driveway --- without seeing anybody ever arrive, down below… May life be far more fortunate to us than that, and yet, that is a tragic possibility that we have to conceive if the cards don’t fall just right, as they so often don’t…<SIGH>

I found your previous post really moving but this last one is really ....scary.... that image of not just Ennis sitting by that window but Ennis at the end in that trailer, alone, nothing AND no one out there waiting for him. I share your hope that may life be far more fortunate to us than that.....

[jonas]

hayek, you have nailed it, and I have made certain observations. In the city I live, there is an area that has a few porno shops and an all-male "Steam" (bath, come on). While I've never been in the place, I know it has been very popular. A gay couple Steve and I tried to have a friendship with, but just couldn't because they wanted more than friendship, frequented it and went on about how crowded and "hot" it was. Also, working near it and passing it frequently during my shift, I noted the parking lot, the street around it, and adjacent parkinglots often full. Since BBM, the place appears to be a ghost town. Friday night when my shift ended at 1:00, I drove by enroute to the precinct. Three cars in the lot and no one on the street in front of the place. I have also noticed these porno shops look abandon. Tweakers and dope dealers still go in and out, but it appears the bulk of the business is gone.

Perhapes this is examples of "discontinue all kinds of beliefs and behaviours"...? Post BBM? I hope. I also will be sorry when business picks back up, and based on your theory, it probably will.

As described in my post in the 150's, this has completely changed my life, and I am certain should I lose the love of my life, I will never fold back into that which I always thought was the "lifestyle." Thank you hayek, for such thoughful analysis--and again, you are certainly on to something.

Brad

F*********K

I've been feeling the exact same thing, I don't want to go to any of those places anymore EVER.... I know my "ego" will probably strenghten again and maybe I'll go back to some of my old habits... (ok, don't you guys think I go to those places....but they're not unknown to me...) but after seeing the movie and going (still) through a personal turmoil I wouldn't dream of going to those places.... it's weird, I'm into a "loving" mode and yet I can't stand the idea of going to a Sex-trade place.
In fact, I'm touched by this post because about two hours ago I spoke for almost 30 minutes with a friend of mind who's a psychologist and I told her just that, that I don't even think about going to those places anymore.